Selene's Enlightment

Changes and uncertainty in the weather, changes in my very own emotions. I'm not really much into astrology (as in checking my horoscope I mean...) but I am into the characteristics of the people born under certain signs as they are usually very heads on.

Being born under the astrological sign of Cancer, I've seen way too many similarities between the characteristics and my way of being. Astrologically and Zodiac-wise, everything fits me to a T.

I am a Cancer born in the year of the Snake, as well as born during the hour of the Snake. According to the Chinese Zodiac, my element is Earth; it is the element which rules all others, my destined number is 5 and my ruling season is the summer. I was born July 11, 1989. Since I was born, I have always loved the water (though I also fear it and am not supposed to be around it much due to my health problems), I feel most comfortable in rainy conditions and when I am near water. I am Cancer, which is a water element. Now why couldn't I be a water element in the Chinese Zodiac? Simply because I share very little attributes with the descriptions as to what one born this element would be like...

Being Cancer, my ruling planet is the Moon and lately I have analyzed the course of my emotions. Cancer is a very emotional sign, possibly the most emotional of the twelve signs; especially since we are ruled by the Moon. We are moody and we tend to be depressive, but it is because we are, most likely, more in tuned with our feelings...And I realize that this makes us difficult to understand at times, and we may get people angry with our sudden mood changes.

With the recent changes in the weather and the horrible uncertainty of: Is it going to rain? IS there going to be a hurricane? Why is everybody just rushing around?. I'm somebody that just prefers it when people tell you "This is what's going to happen." and there are no doubts about anything, because I know what to expect.

This is something I do subconsciously, I tend to believe that this doesn't affect me but it actually does emotionally. This week I have felt emotionally very weak, feeling like I want to cry and not wanting to know anything about anybody. Every negative and positive thought had been floating along in my mind, worries...anxieties...hopefulness...A cornucopia of feelings, as I always say.

I have a difficulty sorting these feelings out, and the weather wasn't helping me with that. I wasn't sure if I wanted it to rain, or if I just wanted the damn thing to go away and let me continue life peacefully. Yesternight I was close to tears, as I have been this whole week; I felt as if I had no voice, I didn't want my shistas to call me, I didn't want to talk to my parents. I felt abandoned when I was the one wanting to be left alone. I felt like no matter how much I talked, nobody wanted to listen to me...Last night I prayed for some ray of hope, I wished I could rid my mind of any and all negative things.

When I woke up it was amazingly sunny in the morning, sadly I knew this meant that we had classes today; though I was glad that I didn't have to spend the day alone in my house. The sun was shining but inside I felt just as sad and empty as I did the night before. I went to the university, putting on a fake mask of happiness and went to Annie's class.

If I was random with my negative feelings, Annie was even more random (or maybe just drunk).
She was so beautifully...I don't know what word to put...maybe crazy, funny...I have no idea, she was simply Annie. She was complaining about the equipment for power point presentations and how she uses one of the projectors during her first class (before ours) and how somebody comes and takes it because another professor has it requested for his/her class. She has to call to the computer lab to have somebody (usually Carmelo) bring a laptop and a portable in focus, set it up so she can use it for our class.

Carmelo arrives to the classroom and, stupidly, asks Annie if he should set it up. Annie looked at him, snickered and said "Well SHYEAH! Like, would you trust that kind of technology with me? We all know I'm the most retarded being when it comes to computers. "Should I set it up...?" Kkkk! Please...! What kind of question is that? - -;;" So Carmelo sets up the equipment and Annie looks like a little girl trying to peak and see what's going on and what's he doing. Annie, during an ergodic moment, whacks Carmelo on the head with her arm and jump-drive ^^;; hugs his head and begins apologizing.

Once everything is set up, Carmelo asks Annie which presentation she's going to open: "I don't even remember what title I put ^^;; I think it's that one...Suprasegmental...thingies..." He opens the document and the screen with the slides at one side and one big slide with the content pops up. Annie then begins trying to make the slideshow begin. Unfortunately, she begins clicking on the toolbar near the watch and computer icons that indicate if you are connected to the internet and whatnot. We see her desperately clicking and decide to ask her "Professor...? What are you doing?" "I'm trying to make the screen...-*starts moving her arms up and like in a circular motion* I don't know, umm...big?" So we pull the projector back to make the whole thing look bigger "NOOOO!!! Not that >_<" So we managed to figure out that what she wanted was the slideshow to begin...When we did that, she started explaining the Juncture rules. “Know what I learned today? That on the computer you can do the little diagonal lines *draws a / on the chalkboard* o.o” “A slash…?” “Yeah, that ^_^ Sorry the power point’s a piece of crap >_< minute="0" hour="22">10pm with a glass of wine on the side! Hoping it will rain so you don’t have to go to work the next day! TT_TT And the damn rain never came! FUCK! TT_TT I was seriously pissed at life! Oh…right...the class, let's keep going ^^;;" so she keeps going, it was impossible not to laugh every 24 seconds...^_^ She was...so full of life yet at the same time tired of it hehehe...She cheered me up instantly...^^ Oh my...there was one part, where she was going to use the overhead projector and she begins touching where you put the transparencies. "Oh for the love of God! Why must professors always leave stuff here? - -;;" she picks it up and scans it, from a distance I could tell it was Edgardo's transparency sheet of the classroom with the items and everything in french. "Oh...this belongs to the director of the department, from his french class. I'm going over there most likely after the class is finished, I should take this to him." she keeps staring at the transparency "Nah, screw it - -;; I don't feel like being charitable today. I'm having a bad hair day" and she just...^^;;; left it in the classroom "Did you guys know I spent all of last night just by the window hoping it would rain??? NADA TT_TT Then my brother calls at 6am to ask if I had already gone to sleep and I was like, no...and then he said "Well don't do it porque las clases no las suspendieron ^_~" And I was like, FUCK! TT_TT"...hehehe...she really brightened up my day, but it wasn't enough to stop the mess I was going through... I skipped mom's class to go with some of my classmates to eat at Subway, apparently Annie's laziness somehow took over us :P I had fun there with Emily and Stephanie, we had a really nice chat and stuff. We headed back to the University and I went to McManus, stayed in mom's class for a while and then went outside because I wasn't getting a good internet signal all the way up on the third floor. I went outside and it was raining...softly...and for no apparent reason, I just started walking around the parking lot while getting wet...I stopped for a while, took out my mp3 player and started listening to Péché d'Envie, a song by Carla Bruni. Getting wet, listening to that song and singing along just washed away all my thoughts, problems and negative feelings, restoring me once again to my natural old self. I walked around with a genuine smile on my face...went to Mercedes' class and she asked me "Did you get caught in the rain? you're all wet o.o" "Yes...I got wet ^_^" "De donde venias?" "Nowhere...I just...felt like taking a walk in the rain ^_^" "You could get sick! O_O " "I know...^_^ but I needed to ^_~" I had a very nice time with my parents after class finished, we went to the mall so we could eat, went home...t'was raining on the way over :P Ummm...I went to sleep since neither of my shissies were online...:( And I started feeling sad...but I pushed it away and went to sleep. Like an hour or so after, I woke up because I felt a light keeping me awake and I thought "Damn streetlight...it's brighter than usual >_<" oh, I neglected to mention that I was sleeping with my head towards the window, something I rarely do. So I wake up, look through the window...and it was the full moon, shining directly on me...I felt...so renewed, so full of hope...it was like I was reborn and everything just melted away... It's been, as Annie said, a long hellish week...yet in the end, it was worth it...

Incidentally, the security and safety measures in la Caotica are really something to laugh at...We have something much better than a lame old fire extinguisher, I tip my hat off to whomever wrote this wise message...

Ciao my loves ^_~