My Vow

I am quite surprised and hurt by my mother, lately it seems that her work can overshadow the fact that she has a daughter. I know that work is extremely important, but it seems that even when she's not working she blatantly ignores me.

Like let's say for example, she walks into the house, greets my father and the dog, goes directly upstairs and forgets I exist. Once upstairs I rarely see her working, no...instead she sits down to play on Neopets or to surf on her favorite forum. I know it's probably insensitive of me to say this, but she wouldn't have so much work if she wasn't such a procrastinator and that is a real fact.

It seemed funny and hurtful today when she was talking blah blah blah with my dad and I walked into the kitchen and greeted her, after like 5 minutes she said "Nayade, you're here? Oh my...I didn't even notice" and I tell her "Well lately it seems like you never notice me, what else is new?" "I'm sorry, but I have a lot of stress." "That's not really an excuse, you know?" she laughs slightly "You'll do the same once you're a mother, you'll do it to your daughter."

That comment was so...I don't know how to put it. There is no justifiable excuse (unless it were truly earthshattering) to ignore and not take care of your children, to not feed them, tell them you love them, hug them and kiss them. No matter how busy you are! No matter how tired you are! Come on? Tired from teaching 3 classes? I understand it's hard, but it's not to the point of allowing you to ignore your home life. Writing as one of the very few teenage girls who are dying to become a mother, that was insulting. I would give anything, anything I possibly could to have the daughter and son I see in my dreams, to have my dream family. It will be hard attaining that not only because I'm not in a...I'll stop there, but my other problems are biological. I'm unhealthy, I have anemia, I go days without eating, I'll probably not be able to have any children after I'm 30 something. I know I have to change all that in other to obtain what I so strongly desire, I'm quite clear on that.

If and when, god willing, I am a mother, I will always try to keep in mind the pain and suffering I've been going through praying desperately for a chance to have some babies with the man I love. I will always try to be there when they so need it, I'll be sweet but I'll be firm, I'll care for them in the same way my mother has cared for me but also much much more. I'll always keep in mind the pain I have gone through with all the troubles I've had with my own mother, the hurt I've felt I never want my children to taste. I'll remember all the tears I have spilled over them, all the dreams and hopes I have had and I pray to God that I'll be able to fulfill this promise because if not, then I'm not worthy enough to be their mother.